i still believe in you and me until the end of time

this may well be the last ever post i create using blogspot - the lure of being able to blog easily on the go on my phone is becoming something hard to resist. the added fact that the majority of blogs i read aren't on this site and that i can import all my previous entries onto a wordpress account, should i decide to get one, are other things pushing me towards the app friendly world of wordpress.

happy valentines day.

fact # 76
not a red rose or a satin heart - i give you an onion. it is a moon wrapped in brown paper. it promises light like the careful undressing of love. here - it will blind you with tears like a lover. it will make your reflection a wobbling photo of grief. i am trying to be truthful. not a cute card or a kissogram - i give you an onion. its fierce kiss will stay on your lips, possessive and faithful as we are, for as long as we are.

" he turns to me, says 'i've got to tell you how i feel - if god could make the perfect girl for me it would be you' "

on wednesday i'm guessing i fell asleep around two am, thursday around one thirty following an eventful trip to brixton academy with alex to see lostprophets and last night around three o clock - i was definitely surprised to find myself up and in the shower at eight o clock on the first morning of my holiday. in a way i am proud of this feat; i am convinced, however, that i must have trudged in an oh-so-attractive caveman style necessary to move me from the warmth of my nest to the shower next door.

as much as i love new york i don't think i will ever be able to get london out of my system, today was spent around the general vicinity of regents street and oxford circus. tomorow -the joy of valentines day- will be spent with emily around spitalfield and exchanging a gorgeous dress i got today for a smaller size.

forgive my sceptic attitude regarding valentines day, but i've never been a real advocate of the day. why is it, that on the fourteenth of february, people feel the urgent need to prove how they feel about one another? why this day, opposed to any other? surely the emphasis should be put into making the effort of showing your other half that you care about them the phenomenal amount you do on every single day of the year? i'm not suggesting countless red roses every day of the week - let's face it. it's a waste of money and they die.


fact # 75
cupid is blind.
replace his arrow with a massive gun and suddenly he's not so cute anymore.

sardines

two summers ago in the uv jets of a swiss, august sunshine, i was lucky enough to be at the side of lake oeschinensee. having just googled how you spell it, a number of pictures sprung up reminding me how beautiful it was. in the gravel that littered the sides of the phenomenally cold glacier waters, max found an old rusty key. i was fascinated, what did it open? who did it belong to? how long had it been there? when it was time to leave, i pushed the key into a compartment in my bag for safe keeping.

it turns out the safe keeping was so safe, that i've only just found it.... but it's just the same as it ever was, around five cm long with a perfect oval segment to accompany the imperfect severed end where the actual key part  would have been. i realise now that there had never been a key part to it, as it's probably the key to an old sardine tin. yet despite this new found knowledge of it 'only being the key to a sardine tin', the appeal and mystery of max's amazing find was not lost.

sure. it's just a key to a picnic lunch some swiss people had on the identical spot that we happened to sit in a very long time ago - but as alan bennet once said 'life is like a box of sardines - we are all looking for the key'. well i've found my sardine key - it's definitely not the key to my entire life (for that would surely mean a short life), but it's allowed me to refind a lot of my memories of that trip and remember just how happy i was that summer.

i plan on keeping this old, rusted piece of junk for the rest of my life.


fact # 74
that week was one of the best of my life

a succession of images, thoughts, sounds, or emotions

it worries me how i can walk all the way home from school and have no recollection of anything past the really frustrating selsdon park drive-way where mothers who have no idea how to drive insist on parking, resulting in them skipping the queue in sainsbury's, but simultaneously causing chaos. one minute i was avoiding angry women clutching the steering wheel of their silver 4x4 as if no tomorrow, the next my gravel was crunching under my feet. having been entrapped within my dream-world yet managing to cross two main roads as well as navigate the pinnacle of death where downsway meets purley oaks is something which will remain as perturbing as impressive for quite sometime - or at least until i forget.

fact # 73
my hair is getting seriously long for me - i'm pretty sure this is the longest it's ever been.

nesting

i didn't think the amount of money i currently posess could reach a more critical level than the state it was in last weekend - yesterday proved me wrong. a lovely shopping day with amelia was marred by the sheer volume of gorgeous things i spied but couldn't get due to the significant lack of funding. why is it whenever you've got zero in the bank do you always come across the nicest things?!

fajitas at daniels followed my lovely day - not quite the drunken mexican fiesta involving shenanigans with fire as shown on skins... but still great.

fact # 72
there are two pigeons very much in love that live in the sussex road railway bridge.

many of horror

for the first couple of months, the adverts on spotify really didn't bother me at all - but i have now heard the 'i started with maths / science at school' so much that everytime it comes on i'm sorely tempted to punch the laptop. don't get me wrong, i completely understand the need for adverts on spotify to make it legal, but for gods sake. get some new ones once in a while!

more dissection was involved in biology - today a whole sheeps heart. it was phenomenal, the smell and clots however weren't so lovely. despite having washed my hands around seven times since four o clock the tang of old blood is still there... hopefully a bath with the newest lush bath bomb should remedy the situation.

fact # 71
when we collide we come together, if we don't we'll always be apart.

this is the 10:09 service calling at east croydon, clapham junction and london victoria.

a shopping trip in london was just what i needed - minus the idiots that seemed to simultaneously encircle and follow me at all times. for reasons unknown i tackled topshop as well as urban outfitters on a saturday afternoon - both experiences were as diabolical as i predicted them to be. don't get me wrong, i like the majority of topshop clothes (the same, can unfortunately not be said for urban outfitters anymore), but the sheer volume of people who push themselves into the stuffy red-hot building that smells of school dinners ever since the inclusion of eat to do nothing but pick up clothes on rails, look at them and then not even buy anything is near on ridiculous. why is it, that with such a huge range of clothes on offer do the majority of topshop shoppers all look the same?

on a lighter note, shopping experiences in all saints and selfridges were unsurprisingly far better, and toast remains the king of all toasted paninis.

fact # 70
i have progressed from russian navy to italian love affair. i hate myself for saying this, but the latter is much more practical. i have never before considered myself to be the practical sort until now.

where you invest your love, you invest your life

biology has on the whole been fascinating this week. wednesday involved dissecting a lung and heart set complete with trachea - it was amazing and i loved doing it but there's definitely a huge difference between dissecting something dead and something still warm and alive. surgery is definitely off the cards for me.

as the days go by i become more sure within myself that i want to be doing english this time in two years time. one of my english teachers invited me to attend university at school from next week onwards, despite me still being in year twelve. i felt very proud.

today i began two very different types of 'literature'. the first, gone with the wind, should keep me very busy for the oncoming weeks. the second, the latest clas ohlson catalogue, will be devoured within a matter of minutes. i'm not sure why i love this shop so much, probably because if i wanted to the opportunity of buying a life jacket and coffee maker within the same trip it would be possible. it sounds like something i'd do.


fact # 69
last night in the cold and dark i pounded the pavements as fast as i could with bruce singing away to me as loud as i could bear... and i felt alive. there is hope.

pulse

i want to climb a tree as high as possible until i'm high and far away. i want it to pour with rain down onto my skin and drench me. i want the wind to whip its cruel embrace around me and i want the branches to creak and resist its abuse.

fact # 68
i want to feel alive.

kitty says: (l)

the walk home from school today was more lovely than normal as a result of the amazing sunset. the sun appeared to be more than four times it's normal size and was a beautiful blood orange orb in the sky like a lone christmas bauble sinking slowly in the sky over purley as i walked up to the roundabout. things got better when the sky turned purple around half an hour later, but by that time i was already curled up on the sofa next to the radiator with a cup of tea.

people are good, the girl in topshop gave me a discount despite my significant lack of nus card because she liked my jacket and following my culinary conundrum, the lovely tabby was nice enough to not only bring in a couple of recipes but a whole jamie book so i can get cooking away and save myself from a kitchen meltdown. i was chuffed, definitely among the nicest two things that have happened recently.

fact # 67
another couple of days of restless nights, but on the plus side my staircase has bruise has nearly gone. finally.

i wish i'd stayed

having finally established the password to the ever unreliable wireless in my house the iphone has now taken it upon itself to instigate an update - which has been taking more than 40 minutes so far! patience is a virtue, but how long are you supposed to wait before restarting or forgetting it all together?

fact # 66
i don't own my clothes but i own my mind and it's not what you've lost but it's what you find.

kitlex

last night was the most fun i've had in a very very long time, i laughed a lot and couldn't ask for a better best friend.

fact # 65
i will forever love alex gordon-brown.

i've sat here thinking for a title for over ten minutes and cannot think of one. i give up.

it turns out i did not require santosh for such internet services, ooer, as the whole process of streaming other peoples blogs onto my reading list was extremely simple with the wonder of copying and pasting urls. my reading list is definitely more sparkly and entertaining with the addition of two new blogs.

this week has been a long one and sleeping has been difficult.

fact # 64
don't you hate it when all of a sudden your laptop starts playing you music and you have no idea where it's coming from? naughty musical internet adverts.

russian navy

the snow promised for today didn't come, something which i was very happy about despite the extra sleep which would have been promised had it snowed a lot and we'd been given a snow day. you literally have to only mention the word 'snow flake' and school jumps six foot into the air, yet simultaneously seem unable to make decisions regarding the matter quickly.

a lot of people seem to have gotten blogs in recent weeks on the strange and mystical land of wordpress. i'll be very impressed if there's someway i can stream their postings into my feed on here. where is santosh when you need hime eh?

fact # 63
as much i love to paint my nails as soon as i get the slightest chip in my polish i want to take the whole lot off - perhaps this says something about me?

tower hamlets

perhaps a greater force read my previous blog post and rewarded my spring / summer time enthusiasm with some much anticipated sunshine today. the weather was perfect and i found myself in spitalfield bright and early rooting through racks and racks of musty, mothball clothes from a time gone by.

fact # 62
animals crawling around in the dark corner under the mentioned racks aren't such a good thing.

'this summer we've pulled all the sheets off the bed - i'm so happy i can't get you out of my head. this summer i am so in love with you'

the idea of dressing in floaty cotton dresses with flowers in my hair, walking around bare foot through fields, trampling springy new life green and listening to nothing but ditzy acoustic guitar music has been something to appeal more and more every day to me. perhaps it's the winter weather that has stirred a yearning of long, hazy summer days punctuated with pollen sneezes and ice cream on the beach deep within me. perhaps, out of character, i want a change.

normally i hate people who chat aimlessly about 'summer 2k10' when it is as much as 6 months away. i fully realise it is january right now, but this feeling is something that has been inescapable.

fact # 61
today i was reminded more than ever how lovely some people can be, and how truly disgusting others can be.

crystalline water ice

my weekend has been one of poetic potency.

on friday night i fell down the stairs, i had that awful realisation of what was about to happen half way down, mid-flight. i guess in a way this was good as i was able to throw my legs up in the air in an effort to save my notoriously weak ankles, however it ended up with my right hip taking the brute force. a bruise the size of, i guess, a baking potato has blossomed and demonstrates a dazzling array of colour ranging from carbon black to red cabbage purples to parrot greens. how eclectic. my colours were enhanced further following a lush bath bomb which concelead a secret of hundreds of multicoloured stars.

sanderstead village this afternoon was like a ghost town. walking up to waitrose with every shop closed, no people walking around and no traffic was definitely an unnerving experience - the snow made sure to envelope me in its wet goose feather embrace.

i wish the snow would hurry up and go away.

fact # 60
i'm getting bored of falling over outside - grace has never been something to come naturally to me.

lassitude

'i saw the days of the year stretching ahead like a series of bright, white boxes, and separating one box from another was sleep, like a black shade. only for me, the long perspective of shades that set off one box from the next day had suddenly snapped up, and i could see day after day after day glaring ahead of me like a white, broad, infinitely desolate avenue.'

fact # 59
i believe fifty nine to be one of the most ugly numbers. ever.

“so comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their ending.”

it is official - this country definitely does not know how to cope with snow! when i was in new york there was much much more and within a day pretty much all of it had been ploughed or physically removed from mManhattan - it would appear new york is a whole world away from the dismal grey horizon that croydon promises for ever more.

from previous blog entries a while ago you will know that i am definitely not an advocate of snow - however when it guarantees the opportunity of missing school legally i'm all up for it. with the announcement of yesterdays snow day i planned on spending the vast majority of the day in bed with atonement but that didn't happen as i found myself trekking towards the 403 to get to warlingham to see dan and meet a couple of her caterham friends which was good. gutted that the chippy was shut on the way home but it definitely wasn't the end of the world!

today is another snow day, unfortunately no lie in however as i had to wake myself up at six forty five to check the school website to see whether it was going to open or remain shut. forty five minutes later when they eventually announced that school would stay shut i was slightly miffed i could have stayed in bed all that time, but wasn't too disheartened as all i had to do was crawl back into bed for another three hours.

and now i find myself here, putting off my 'snow work' my school has lovingly set me.
but i've wasted enough time for today, so i'd better get on with it.

fact # 58
within the next couple of weeks i plan on beginning to save up to fund my own trip to nyc.

01.01.10

my general christmas period was the best in a very long time, not just because of some of the gorgeous things i received but because of the quality time i spent with some quality people.

in reflection 2009 was a great year - despite being marred by a certain saga for a period of time far longer than necessary! still, it's best not to dwell on things eh?! not only did my phone break on my birthday but it also broke on christmas eve as well - phoneless for without a doubt the two busiest periods of a year! i've got a shiny shiny new phone now which is fabulous and is quickly becoming a worrying addiction, no matter how poor it has made me.

fact # 57
1. stop letting certain people walk over me.
2. reach my target weight.
3. read as many of the bbc's top 100 books as possible.