moths

i lay on my back for hours staring at the ceiling, trying to understand this feeling. i attempt to forget, but all i hear is the words you said, going round and round in my head.

fact # 45
butterflies have been an alien feeling for a very long time.

bliss

everything about you is how i'd wanna be, your freedom comes naturally. everything about you resonates happiness, now I won't settle for less.

give me all the peace and joy in your mind

everything about you pains my envying, your soul can't hate anything. everything about you is so easy to love, they're watching you from above.

fact # 44
i'm currently watching muse v koi on nme tele, could you tell?

the physics of sleep

i fully realise that i should be asleep but i can't drift off. i really struggle nowadays. it's almost as if my mind is too busy buzzing over the colliding thoughts in my brain to even consider slowing down for a bit.

i decided to write to you because you normally put me at a great sense of ease. i haven't been feeling at all like myself this past week, perhaps it's the tiredness, perhaps the effect of sixth form is finally taking it's toll on me.

i finished the bell jar yesterday - a truly remarkable book throughout, despite my feeling that the standard slipped just a little bit towards to end. plath truly is the queen of metaphor.

i'm not too impressed with the way i've started each paragraph in the same way each time, perhaps i am getting lazy, perhaps i do not care for variety today.

fact # 43
i think i will begin a book that does not interest me in the slightest and only ever read it before i plan on going to sleep in a small attempt at feeling drowsy. i feel a book of physics is highly appropriate...

purple playsuit

white lies was the best gig i've been to in a really long time, they played fantastically and the crowd was all that i wanted at the arctic monkeys and more. alex and i met a guy called scott who weirdly enough lives in tatsfield and knows a few people that we do to - it's a very small world.

saturday morning brought around an early shopping trip to croydon before going to see new moon - it was okay but not "amazing" and i can completely understand why reviewers said what the said about the film. i wish there'd been as much emphasis on music as there was in twilight, but oh well.

claires party last night was good. thank you so much to amelia for making me drink so much water for diluting purposes - and of course to claires parents for putting up with us all.

now to go and wake charlie up...


fact # 42
slumber: a natural and periodic state of rest during which consciousness of the world is suspended.

fifty on our foreheads

just a quick one today as alex has just arrived at my house, tonight we're going to white lies which should be really good - and i also managed to get muse tickets, how very cultured i am.

short and sweet.

fact # 41
the support bands are rubbish so we're going to nandos. i reckon it's an excellent plan.

you can never beat the bandit.

last night i saw the arctic monkeys, and alex turned pissed me off. he pissed me off at reading too for that matter, but i decided to forgive him. but not this time - this is why.

it's undeniable they are a great band with great music and that alex turner is reasonably attractive (i hope he still is under that unruly mane of matted unkempt locks - it's hard to tell) but he does nothing, absolutely nothing to endear his fans to him. sure he feels "umcomfortable" in the public and media eye, but what do you expect, you're going out with alexa chung and you lead one of the most successful british bands of the current era. when i was in america i was reading nylon and they interviewed him - you could tell that this general "fuck this shit" attitude had come across because the reporter did nothing to make their trendy american readership like him - he came across so badly in this article that i even turned to my mum and said "hey, take a look at this."

i guess what i'm trying to say is that if he continues to get further up his arse with cocky arrogance then he'll manage to alienate a whole army of fans that i'm pretty sure are very devoted and dedicated.

i am also 99.9% sure that the couple standing next to me conceived a child last night, so congratulations nine month in advance. moving on...

i lost a debate to caterham by three points today, which is unlucky but the debates were so close in quality i'm sure it could have swung the other way with another set of judges, even with the same identical speeches. well done to previous croydon girls dan and sam, i still love you!


fact # 40
"and you said 'this is the first day of my life, i’m glad i didn’t die before i met you, but now i don’t care, i could go anywhere with you... and i’d probably be happy...'”

substances and their properties and reactions

we got our atomic structure test back today which i found really hard but it turns out i did pretty well so i'm pretty chuffed! chemistry's going well at the moment however i know that the mole test is going to kill me. ah well.

it bothers me that whilst i'm typing this i can't find the button to change the font, where has it gone?! if this publishes in times new roman i will be very upset, but i guess i'll have to put up with it.

life at the moment is very much like chemistry. people are atoms and have their specific set of characteristics and mannerisms, in other words their properties. they'll either get on with you, and bond with you in a good kind of chemical reaction, or you won't get on at all and there'll be a chemical reaction of the wrong sort. tightly knit friends are covalently bonded, those who get on pretty well but aren't as close could be ionic, and then after that weak intermolecular bonds. those that are metallically bonded within friendships can put up with loads of stress because they can be hammered and stretched and still be a pefect example of a metal once the rocky period is over.

then there's the delocalised electron that tries to please everyone but never really belongs to a specific atom. no one really notices it's importance within the strucutre because they're too busy chatting to their fellow lattice atoms, but without the delocalised electron, many things such as the ability to carry charge(or in human sense, the carrying or exchange of an important message or vital information or something like that) cannot happen.

it is only at this point that the delocalised electron is finally recognised and missed.

fact # 39
yesterday was the worst day yet.

born to run, and eat roast.

i'm sitting here with a full belly following an amazing roast round at a family friends house listening to mr bruce springsteen - forget food baby, think more along the lines of food triplets! i had a really nice today, although i've lost count of the number of times i played:

• 40 40 it
• hide and seek

the fashion show is officially over. i reckon it went so well relating to the amount of time we had to prepare for it! i think the better show was definitely last night but that the crowd was better on friday, ahh well, you can't expect everything to be dandy both nights! i'm not in the mood for geography at the moment, sorry b man, bishop's hull and lydeard will have to wait until my free period tomorrow.

until the next time.

fact # 38

"i want to know if love is wild, i want to know if love is real"

warrior dance

i've decided i'm going to start typing in a truly british fashion by discussing the weather. it's been rubbish today, dark and depressing, however i much prefer it when it properly hurls great globules of water down - as if it's definitely made up its mind like today opposed to pathetic spitting where it seems as though the weather is undecided with what to do with itself.

the fashion show yesterday went a lot better than anticipated, although one of my catwalks was pretty hectic as the music started and hardly anyone was in their place! apparently quite a few people missed it, so hopefully we'll be able to put that right for tonight.

i'm off for a nice long bath now.

fact # 37
i can cook nice omlettes.

cat fight.

i am so full of anger right now that my hands are shaking so badly it is hard to type.

fact # 36
the claws have come out.

how much longer until you break?

your mind's about to fall.

the torando of my life seems to be getting bigger than ever and doesn't look as though it's going to die down any time soon. monday brought a fashion show rehearsal until half six followed by a meeting about world challenge. it's going to venezuela and it looks truly amazing although i'm still undecided whether i want to make the commitment of going, it asks a lot - particularly during a level years. on top of everything i do already i'll be expected to raise £4000. by myself. pretty daunting huh?

my day was pretty okay apart from the chemistry test we had last thing that lasted the entire lesson- about half way through i was pretty sure i wouldn't finish it in time. this test required more brain power and effort than my chemistry gcse did overall. i managed to answer every question set - now i just have to wait to see how i did. fingers crossed. speaking of gcse's we had our certificate presentation today. i'm still so chuffed about my results!

i'm off for what is obviously going to be a super thrilling couple of hours or so battling my way through geography write up, before revising english, reading the rest of my talking head and then preparing another debate.

looks like i've got a fun night ahead of me.

fact # 35
venezuela is the nearest country to grenada. coincidence?!

lullaby

i have had such a busy and varied weekend and upon reflection a rather lovely one too. this song is spectacular:

"when your sparkle evades your soul, i''ll be at your side to console. when your standing on the window ledge i'll talk you back from the edge. i will turn your tide, be your shepard and your guide. when you're lost in the deep and darkest place around, may my words walk you home safe and sound.

when you say that i'm no good and you feel like walking i need to make sure you know that's just the prescription talking. when your feet decide to walk you on the wayward side up upon the stairs and down the downward slide, i will turn your tide, do all that i can to heal you inside. i'll be the angel on your shoulder. my name is geraldine, i'm your social worker.

i see you need me. i know you do."

fact # 34
there is no fact for today, and that is a fact.

gunpowder treason and plot

so the debating went really well, we won the first round, went through to the final and won that too, so eliot have hopefully won over all when considering the year nine / ten team got through to the final and won as well.

my mum still isn't very well, we're meant to be in manchester at the moment waiting outside the apollo for the doors to open to biffy clyro, but she's too much in a state to go which is really disappointing, but at the end of the day i guess i have to suck it up and put up with it. i hope it's okay and it's nothing too serious, it's been lasting weeks.

on a lighter note last night i experience tgi's for what i believe was my first ever time. it was real nice to see ck again after such a long time and it was good to meet natalies new peoeople at riddlesdown, and of course see natalie herself! now she told me to include something in here that happened ages ago and i said i would write about it but i can't think what it was... so sorry natalie, i fail (i'm going to blame the biology essay which has taken me more than two and a half hours to write three quarters of a side of a4.)

time to say goodbye.

fact # 33
there's loads of banging outside, i love to watch fireworks but hate the noise.

literary hero

"i couldn't get myself to react. i felt very still and very empty, the way the eye of a tornado must feel, moving dully along in the middle of the surrounding hullabaloo."
-sylvia plath.

fact # 32
i think i am in love with this woman and the way she writes.
this is exactly the way i've been feeling and this gives it perfect justice.

discuss dispute deliberate

you will be pleased to know that i've cheered up a lot since the last entry! halloween was good, i went round to dannis with alex and gingey (cant really call her that now seeing as i am too) and i met lucy. it was nice to see everyone although i dont think i was much fun cos i was still so tired from the plane!

the remainder of sunday following a much need kip at dans was spent kinda in the house with alex before the drama that entailed regarding the problem of emilys billy talent tickets. upon discovering natalie wanted to see canterbury they decided to go together (a genius idea) and we had a flying trip to nandos before hand which was all yummy and smelly.

i forgot how much i love brixton academy, this was the first time ive been since ,it became the o2 academy and all the signs and stuff are so different! im still convinced they should stick little stars in the sky above the standing area though to go with the whole dark sky lit up building theme. luckily i'll be back there in a couple of weeks, white lies who i missed at reading for the prodigy and then the cribs in december. before that i'm going to manchester this weekend to see biffy clyro - dead excited!

today has been a good if not very busy day. we finished another chemistry booklet today, we're moving so fast, so quick! the interhouse debating is tomorrow, hopefully it should be great.

fact # 31
i can't believe it's already november.