camouflage

i'm sitting alone in my room on the floor with the lights off, the door shut but there's still not enough darkness. the laptop burns into my freshly sunburnt face and dares me to turn down the intensity of the glare, but i won't give in. i'm too stubborn.

that's the problem with me, i'm stubborn, obstinate, inflexible, wilful, mulish, bolshie, obdurate, intractable and i have pride. too much pride to lower myself to be anything less than the person i aspire to be. i have no problem admitting to my flaws, the ones mentioned above are just a few that makes up the vast catalogue of kitty, yet i know that these are qualities that will lead to my destruction.

it's halloween which means masks and masquerading - i love that word. i remember writing it down in one of my english exams in the summer and then spending about five minutes worrying at the end during the checking that i'd spelled it wrong. spelling was never one of my strong points. however, people masquerade all the time, they'll be all sweet and smiley to your face and then as soon as you leave the room you know the claws come out and the cattiness begins. so if its an almost everyday occurrence, it seems to be at my school, whats the point of trying to pretend your'e something that you're not when people do it everyday of the year?

please, excuse my melodramatic, erratic writing of today. i'm running on four hours of aeroplane sleep and not much else. i'm going to listen to keane now, and wonder what the fuck to do with everything.

"this is the last time you fall on me for anything you like, your one last line, you fall on me for anything you like, and years make everything alright, you fall on me for anything you like, and i no, i don't mind...

fact # 30
i do mind, for now onwards at least.